Vices

There are two particular doctrines that I have grown up with.

1. If your sad, buy new clothes. New clothes always make you feel better.

2. If your sad, take two shots and it will all be better in the morning.

Thanks family.

I found myself (almost) completely vice-less yesterday. I started fasting, with most of my church, this month but giving up meat and dairy didn't seem like enough, it felt like I needed to do more. So, I gave up shopping for the entire month of January and all forms of alcohol for the year. It just felt like it was what God wanted me to do and, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't take it back. But I now find myself with little to take comfort in other then God. He has made Himself harder to ignore and if you know me at all ignoring God til it hurts is one of my favorite pastimes.

So giving up the things that give me comfort is forcing me to hear God more and more. I think the reason I'm writing this is because hearing is one of the hardest thing's for me and I'm a little scared. I'm just a little scared.

The Front Row

The front row of Church Camp. Those were the most coveted seats I have ever seen. I can see it now, people lining up 15-20 minutes before worship started. Hanging out with their friends, intent on being first in line so that they could get the "best seats." And why would they not do this at camp, they do it everywhere else. Go to any youth church service and watch the kids. I can guarantee, the same kids, week after week, will line up early so they can sit in the front row.

Our kids are a lot like the Pharisees in the Book of Luke, who jockey for the best seat at the table with Jesus. All of these holy men wanted to be at the head of the table, the place of honor. As if they believed that being first meant something important. It's sad. Thousands of years later and we still fight for the chance to be first in the church. Only now it's not just our place at the table, it's the names we drop, the places we hang out, even what we wear. As if it matters so much to anyone else. As if it says to the world "Look how holy and important I am!"

Where has our humility gone?

OSU and Friends

Just watched the OSU game with my Lifegroup! Don't really care about the game, but the people that I got to spend time with are amazing. I look back on my life a year ago and thank God that I'm where I'm at now. He has brought me through soooo much and even thought I know I still have a lot to learn and do, I know that this is the most blessed I have ever been. My relationship with God is the best thing that ever happened in my life. That, and all the amazing people He has blessed me with.

Teachable

This lovely lday is Victoria. One of the most amazing, passionate, Christ-centered young ladies that I know. I have had the pleasure to get to know her over the past year and a half and lead her in richiousness. But for as much as I have taught her, she has tought me as well. One of the most important things that she has shown me is how to submit to spiritually authority.

This girl loves to learn, and in her desire to learn she submits to the authority in her life so that she can be taught. Shes an amazing example of how one can be humble and learn from those who know more then them. I pray she never loses that ability! Love you V!

People Will Do What You Do...

It's true. If you lead, someone will eventually follow you. I tried this theory out on the students at SWITCH one night. By the end of my experiment I had everyone on the first 4ish rows on the left side of the stage looking at the ceiling, wondering what was up there. Silly kids! I was just looking up there for fun! But they didn't know that, and the followed my example.

My point is that we need to be careful where we lead people. My little joke was harmless and got a few laughs out of those silly enough to be sucked in, but there are so many times when we don't lead people to a good place. I tell my students all the time, you wither lead people to Christ, or you don't. There is no middle ground.

So where have you lead someone lately?

1 Cor. 11:1- Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

And so it begins...

So that is me. I thought this picture summed me up pretty well. I always seem to make that face in pictures, that's just my personality. And I thought it would be a good way to introduce what I'm doing...

Today I turned 25. Whoa. So much has changed since that picture was taken. So many new memories, new friends, new struggles, old wounds, old friends, life changes. My life feels huge now, better then I ever could have asked or dreamed...and I want to remember it all.

So starting today until Sep. 27 of 2011 I'm going to post a picture every day. I want to watch my year go by and take you with me on this journey that God has me on. I don't know yet what the pictures will be of, maybe something that struck my fancy at a store, maybe a friend of mine, it might just be a phrase that I fell in love with or even a picture of my dog. But a picture everyday to remind myself that God is good. All the time.

I can't wait for this year to be over so that I can see all of the amazing things that have happened!

School Time!!!

So everything is about to change. Everything that I have worked so hard for, given up things for is about to come to fruition. I start seminary school in the morning, Lord willing.

This feels huge and scary to me. It's a fast-track program so my life, starting tomorrow, will be crazy. Work, church, and school will be my everything. And I'm kinda excited. This is a huge chapter in my life that I feel like I have been waiting for for a long time. I'm excited to see where this path goes when all is said and done.

So if your reading this please say a huge prayer for me, I;m going to need all that I can get!

The Feminist Ethic and Cheap Sex

The other night I had the chance to babysit some very fun, young kids. I believe they are in elementary school. Anyway, after the kids went to bed I had nothing to do but watch tv. After some channel surfing I landed on one of the many MTV stations that just happened to be playing music videos. Random right? Anyhoo, it didn't take long for a poppy, catchy song to blast through the speakers. Thumping bass, tight cords, jarring drums, all the things needed for pop perfection. After a small intro for one of the songs a beautiful 17year old came on the screen. She sang about how she was in always rated a 10 by all the boys, how she can get crazy if she doesn't get her way and the such. She was a strong, independent female. With no pants on. In fact, she didn't wear pants for the duration on the video, at all.

The video was glossy, creative and ascetically pleasing to the eye, but, when you looked closer it was missing a feeling of authenticity. It looked cheap. It was a young girl being sold out, selling sex and the idea of independence when in reality she isn't even of any legal age to really do any of the things she was singing about. The feminist idea she was selling was cheapened because she simply isn't old enough to have any idea of what she was talking about. And another thing, SHE WASN'T WEARING PANTS! Can you really take someone, of any age, seriously if they don't have pants on?

But it made me think. This is what the media and the world is selling our youth. A cheap version of themselves that promises freedom and self-expression when in reality all it does is lead to the bondage of sin in their lives. This is the lie that our young girls see, sex=power, freedom, and control over one's own body. For boys, it's sex=pleasure, freedom to do whatever they want to a girl, and the idea that the girl wont get hurt, because she's in control.

It's cheap and it's misleading. To combat this ultra-feminist idea we need to show our kids something real. Not sell it to them, but show them. They need Jesus. We need to show them Him, break the lies of the world and show them Christ and His redeeming power. And His freedom. We need to check ourselves and make sure that we aren't guilty of selling a cheap Jesus. Our future, our kids depend on it. It's that important.

Psalms 65:3 “When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave (or, made atonement for) our transgressions.”

Since the year started I have kept coming back to this verse. I truly stumbled upon in, seemingly by accident, one day and I have received so much comfort from it.

This verse came to me in the middle of a fast. For 21 days I prayed that God would break me and make me more like Him. I prayed that I would die to myself and live more fully for Him and not for my own satisfaction or to make much of myself, but that my life would make much of Him. I specifically prayed that God would take a specific sin away from me, something that I have struggled with for years.

During the fast a dear and close friend confided in me that they to struggled with the same sin. What was so amazing about this was that I had, up until this point, never shared this part of myself with anyone. To have someone just come to me and confide in me the same thing that I had been praying to get rid of was truly the work of God. We were able to share our struggle in a way that we never had before. Not with a condemning spirit, but with understanding and both of us having the desire to change. We prayed that night for God to give us both strength and courage to be honest. It was the most amazing experience ever.

This confession of sin in myself and the accompanying accountability of my friend has truly shown me Gods unending mercy and love for all of us. That when I felt alone, or “overwhelmed by sins”, God made a way for it to be safe for me to share and it reaffirmed that He forgives my transgressions. This verse reminds me of this every time I read it and I continue to be thankful.

I. Am. Emotional.

It’s true, I am the typical girl when it comes to my emotions. If you cry, I’m crying. If your heart is breaking, mine is breaking too. If your depressed… well, you get the picture.
In my younger years this was a big problem. I couldn’t handle all of my emotions, much less anyone else’s. Sometimes it got the best of me and I suffered for it. Negative emotions would hit me like bricks and I could spend days in a vary dark place, alone with my thoughts, frustrations, and fears.
I could get so bogged down by my life and the lives of others that I would stop talking. Yes me. I could go days without having a real conversation with anyone. I would answer and ask questions, but in reality I was just trying not to feel anything. I looked like a robot, completely detached from people so that I wouldn’t have to feel them or let them know how bad I felt.

As time has gone on things have changed. I’m not the girl that wouldn’t speak, as anyone who knows me can attest to, lol. But I still feel things in the same ways. The difference now is that I know that my feelings are a gift from God, not a hindrance to my life. God has showed me that my feelings are not to be hidden, but to be embraced. They compel me to action, to love others when they are hurting, and to give Him glory in the process.

I would rather feel everything then to feel nothing but hollowness in my soul. So I see my emotions as a blessing and not a curse. Just some thought I had the other night.

Reaching Our Students

I found the following article on a website called Youth Worker(http://www.youthworker.com). The author is Jeff Vankooten, founder of LivingYearz. I think it's an important reminder to us all that, no matter what gadgets we come up with, the most useful gadget we have in ministry is ourselves.




If you think you can reach us, don't blame yourselves when you fail. It's not your fault. We have changed dramatically since your halcyon days; and our values, attitudes and expectations are wildly different than yours. Don't let the costumes of our baggy pants or the awkward gait lull you into complacency. We are smart and dangerous, and our methods for navigating the world are far beyond your ability to comprehend. Resistance is futile.



We were socialized into a world of accelerating change. We never have seen Larry Bird play basketball; we have no clue who the Soviets are. Starbucks always has been on every corner. Atari predates us as do vinyl albums.


We are unbelievably adept at technology. We know you know this, but don't even try to keep up because we'll leave you in the haze of our digitized dust. We were born with a mouse in our hand. You wrote love notes on paper during third grade; we text them on cell phones. You passed atoms in the classroom; we passed bits. You might often hear the buzzing of our world in the background of yours—some call it white noise, others cyberspace, some the computing cloud; but everyone knows it is there even if they can't quite place it—like a silent fart.
Our information is organized across multiple channels, some of which you are not aware (ever heard of Twitter? Postulate?) and constantly is updating or expanding. We see you as just another channel from which we derive our information about your world—and your God. So there. Click.


We are wildly connected. Information and messages flow easily from one place to another; and we transport it with us on really cool, miniaturized hand-held devices. Our knowledge isn't housed in physical libraries, relegated to the confines of a classroom or accessed solely in church buildings and programs. I know you won't want to hear this, but you aren't the primary source of our knowledge on a subject, even if that subject is Jesus. You are just one tool among many, adding a bit of value to the overall linkage of our intelligence and spirituality.


We participate in the creation of content and emphasize social affiliations and active engagement. We are a swarming, heaving hive of connectional nodes and interactions. We are an ethnically heterogeneous group of consumers who are confident in our ability to read anything, buy anything and experience anything.


We have been so commercially indulged since our inception that the first words out of most of our mouths were not "Mama" or "Dada" but "Coke" and "McDonalds." We are bonded to brands. By age 10, we were visiting stores 270 times per year. It doesn't mean we're proud of that fact; deep down in the places we are less and less capable of accessing, we know there has to be more. Much more.


So if you decide to reach us, help us access that deepest place that not even technology or the market can penetrate. Don't package spiritual products for us to consume. Embody Christ in ways that are tangible and enduring. Love us from the core of your being. The more relationally significant you want to be, the less technology you should use to communicate to us. Use your vocal chords and tear ducts. If you want to create a piece-meal Christ that speaks to us on a perfunctory level, use all the technological tools and gizmos at your disposal. We'll hear about Christ, sure; but we won't truly know Him

Fear of the Future...

I’m going to admit this, I’m a little nervous. The school semester starts up next Monday and, to be clear, I’m scared. Not about the coming semester. No, it will be a breeze. I’m scared about what’s going to happen when it’s all over.

When August of ‘10 hits I hope to be starting seminary school. And seminary school is the scary part. What am I going to learn? Will I be any good at it? What if I fail out and never finish? I am hounded by these thoughts at the start of every semester. I completely believe that I am in fact not smart, that I can’t learn anything, and that any value I have does not apply to school. When it comes to college I feel completely inadequate as it is, much less going to school to learn more about God’s word.

But this would be obedience to God, that I go. And that I do well. So why am I so scared?? Because the enemy wants nothing more then to make me scared and afraid so that I can never reach my full potential, that’s why. He does it to us all of the time, in every aspect of our lives that he can. Jerk.

Just something that was on my mind today…

Can't Convince You

As per my last post, God is really showing me things about ministry and how I am to interact with my students. Just as I can’t love my students into a relationship with Christ. I can’t save them from sin or their lives or anything else. Something else that God pressed on my heart this week was this

You can’t convince someone into a relationship with Christ.

You can’t just tell someone about how much God loves them, and then love on them yourself and expect drastic changes in their heart, in their relationships, and more importantly in their relationship with God. It’s God. It’s God’s job, no, His joy to change hearts for Him. We are only vessels on this earth, commanded to do His will.

I have a student who wants a relationship with God. But there is one huge issue standing in her way. Herself. She has spent her life with drug addicted parents, with boys who use her body for fun, and she’s also had to live with her own self-deprecating thoughts about herself. She prays for God to change things and gets mad when there is no immediate response from Him.

I can tell Her that He is working in her life. I can point out ways that God had protected her and kept her from harm but those things are turning out to not be enough. I can’t convince her to love God. And I can’t convince her to submit to Him. Her salvation rests on the shoulders of the Holy Spirit, not mine. All I can do is what God commands me to do and pray that in every interacting I have with her, I’m being obedient to Him and not working for my own ends.

Love Isn't Enough

I have learned a lot from being involved in student ministry. A lot about myself and a lot about students. How they think, what they feel. Things like that. One think that God is just killing me with right now is this

You can’t just love them into a relationship with Christ.

I can’t just will them and love them into accepting Him. No matter what I do, what I say, what I give them, how often I pray for them. Non of that can save them. Non of that can give them an authentic relationship with God. The vessel that I am is just not enough. God has got to do all of the work.

How do I leave it all up to God? Well if I’m going to be honest, I don’t always. I want to fix them. I want them to know God and know His love and blessings. I want to free them from bondage. But God is showing me that, even though my loving them won’t change them, it won’t necessarily change their heart for Him, it is what I’m called to do. To love them through their mistakes and their hurts. To show them Christ’s love. All I get to do is be obedient to Him and rest in the fact, and it is a fact, that He is working in those students lives. In ways that I never could. And for that, I am thankful.

Matthew 13:22 The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23 But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

This passage of scripture was used this weekend at Lifechirch.tv. It struck me, hard. This is a commonly used scripture when illustrating people and their faith. I would imagine that every pastor, at some point in time, has used this passage. But maybe not in the way I intend to. This is what I head when pastor Craig recited those words…

Matt 13:22- the one who received the seeds was me. The thorns the scriptures are referring to are my family. The lifestyle I was raised in. How I was shown by the women in my family to carry myself and behave as a women. Their worries about this life and how to make ends meet for the sake of the family were a heavy burden on me growing up. Any hope of a savior was quickly swallowed up in their worry, snatching all the joy that a savior could bring. The very joy and life that Christ could have given me, to us, was choked out of our hearts as soon as we got back to the car. Life, or the enemy, had intervened where God had intended to bring us joy, and life killed everything.

Matt 13:23- I never saw good soil until I felt old. Old enough to know that life was hard and that, in general, hope had abandoned my family and left us all to rot in our bitterness. And honey, we rot in fashion. But good soil started to find me. But for the most part, it always felt like quicksand. Just as unreliable as everything else, just this the name “happiness” attached to it to make it sound nice. I had a good example of what good soil was, but no follow through from anyone.

I understand good soil now. It’s the person who sees the world for what it is and still has joy in Christ, no matter the circumstance. But it can be more then that. It’s the example we set for others. I have more to say about good soil, but I’m done for now.

The Little Things, The Little Things!

I was reminded how the little things in life are sometimes the things we need the most. A simple cup of coffee, a phone call to remind someone of something. These are the things that people need the most sometimes. And these little things can be the biggest example of our walk with Christ, bigger then giving someone a thousand dollars, bigger then giving them a new car. It’s the little things that add up and show the unsaved the selfless nature of Christ and His glorious love.

We so often overlook the little things that we do for other people, but just think about all of the times that the little things that others did for you impacted you in a huge way. The feelings you got from the small act of kindness or an encouraging word can sometimes last longer then a thousand dollars ever could. It’s the love. It’s the love that is shown when little acts of kindness are done. It’s the caring. It’s Christ that is shown.

Titus 3:1
Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good,

The Struggle of Us All

This may seem like a strange way to start a blog post, but here I go…

I watched a bug die yesterday. I know I know, slightly on the morbid side. But what can I say? This particular bug was stuck on his back, wings weighed down by the water he had landed in. the entire time I watched him he never stopped moving. Never put his head down to rest. Every moment was spent using every bit of energy he had struggling to escape his fate. In the end, it was all for not. He died in the struggle to survive, most likely know thing that he would never make it out.

This poor bug got me thinking. The struggle to survive. Knowing that in the end, it doesn’t matter, your fate is sealed by the choices you made. How many people struggle everyday to be good, make the right choice, and live a selfless life? But without God, it doesn’t really matter. Your fate is sealed by the choice you made to not believe. And even some who do believe but struggle anyway. Convinced that there is still something they must do to earn God’s love and grace. The exhausting existence of never knowing where you stand in your relationship with God can be almost, if not more, exhausting then not knowing God at all.

So how do we keep our loved ones from this? From the constant struggle to survive? The only real answer I can come up with is you teach. You teach them God’s love and grace with every moment you spend with them. Then maybe one day they will see that the struggle was won many years ago. And that they are free…

Say You Were Wrong

Long time no see! Miss me? Yes, mk. Moving on…


So, today the kids and I were rocking out to some music. A song came on that talks about forgiveness. Part of it goes “I am willing to forget. Are you willing to take ownership?” This line got me thinking about my life a bit.

I tend to be a bitter person. I hold grudges against people. But mostly, I hold them against my family. I tend to feel that there is a lot of things that happened that I deserve an apology for. Not that I don’t that things that I should apologize for, but still, I’m the kid. Well, at least that’s how I look at it. Anyway…

The song got me thinking that even if I never get an apology, I need to be more forgiving. None are served by a bitter heart. And as a friend likes to point out to me “bitterness is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die.” and let me assure you, that is not what I want to happen.

I have been praying harder to be more forgiving, but maybe that’s not enough on my part. Not to say that God isn’t changing my heart or anything, just that maybe I need to take more action in being forgiving. So, if you have read this little blog, please keep me accountable. I have a feeling I’m going to need the help…

Letter...

Dearest Jesus,

Sorry I have been such a jerk. But ya know, I could use a break from this life. I have a question for you. Why did you decided to be so amazing today? I have been a selfish, scared, insecure, avoidant, ticked-off, bitter little person since November. So why must you keep being so nice to me? I don’t deserve it, yet you show up again and again, just when I think I can’t say anymore. Just when I think that it doesn’t matter, you show me that healing comes through confession. Give me strength, that I may confess so that I may heal. Thank you for your word. Thank you for using my selfishness this morning to bring me to my knees. I’m sorry it always takes me so long to trust you. Thanks again for being you and working so hard to make me more like you. Amen.

God Is Working Something In Me...

The Bible claim that wealth is worthless. I think that we hear this concept so much in church that it can be hard to separate monetary wealth with our wealth in other areas. I’m not wealthy when it comes to money. Not in the least. But man, do I have a lot of wealth in other areas. I have a wealth of friends that I wouldn’t know what to do without. The wealth of support they provide, the knowledge they share, the Godly advice and direction they provide me with. It’s enough to bring me to tears some days. I am wealthy in love. I have a lot of love to share with the people around me. And in return, they show me love. I have a wealth of passion for my students and the Gospel. Because really, behind the Gospel, what else really matters?
But at he end of my life, and this age, none of this will really mater. The only thing that matters is that my life is devoted to Christ, that He might bring others to know Him through me, but not because of me. If that makes sense. The most important thing I can do now is share His word and the message of His love. That when we were sinners, Christ came and suffered for our sin, that we might be found righteous in the eyes of the Father.