Whats You Issue?!?!

Everyone that their one thing. Ya know, the “issue” they have that they can’t seem to get over. Issues can come in all shapes and sizes and have any number of negative effects on someone. If they go unchecked, they can hinder the ability of the person they hold captive. And the worst thing about issues is that they are sneaky, sly, and can manipulate their form until you don’t even know their there.
So how do you help someone who doesn’t see their issues?
Confrontation is though. Whether it’s from someone else or from yourself. So how, as an outsider, can you help someone else see the light of day and see what God intended for their life?
This is something that has been creeping up in my life as of late. A lot of my issues with self-doubt and insecurity have been faced head on and from an angle. I’m growing. And maybe because of that, I’m seeing where my friends aren’t. I want to tell them what I see, I want them to be better, I want them to let God in and work in their lives. Now, I’m not trying to be judgmental, rude, important, or anything. I’m not saying that I’m perfect and now I want to “fix” people around me. But I do want to help.
This is the place I’m stuck in. Help or keep silent. I pray for resolve and open ears and hearts or for my mouth to just stay silent.

Warning! I am a jerk!

Warning! Do NOT ask God to reveal things and work in your life. He is faithful to answer, dang it!

So I asked God yesterday when I was praying to work in my life and reveal things to me. Like I said, faithful to answer. I am a jerk! No really. I have been rude to people in the nicest ways. Some of the strongest people I know I have been rude to and God showed me why. I am jealous. I am jealous of the relationship these people have with God. How crappy is that? God really showed me that I have a lot of work to do in my relationship with Him. Thank goodness He put all of these amazing people in my life for a reason. I just need to start learning from them and not be jealous of them. I need to view every opportunity I have to spend time with them as an opportunity to learn, not an opportunity to get down on myself for how unfaithful I can be.
Top priority now, make amends by being better to those strong individuals that I admire. No more jealous, jerky Lulu.

In surrender!

P.s. just talked to the BWW waitress. Shes sooooo coming on Sunday!

Amazing.

I love to pray. Well, I love to pray for other people. Last night at SWITCH I was able to pray with my girls from my SWITCHgroup. It was amazing. God just worked all night! I am so grateful for the girls in my group and for Johna being my co-leader. Those girls are amazing and it’s incredible that God has let me be a part of their lives and that He chooses to work through me for His glory. I loved being able to hear what was grieving their hearts and be able to pray with them and ask God to comfort them and be with them. God has done so much in their lives since the start of groups and I pray that He continues to do so.

I am seriously at a loss for words at everything God did last night. At BWW, Jeff, myself, and some of the other leaders had the chance to talk to our waitress. She had been thinking about visiting LC for some time but didn’t want to go alone. She got my number and Jeff’s and is going to text us when she knows what service she’ll be going to. You could tell that she has such a heart for God and want’s to commit her life to His work. I only talked to her for about 15 minutes but I am amazed by her. She has so much passion.

It just amazes me sometimes how God works things out. How the smallest thing, like going out to eat, can change lives. He just amazes me.

God, I surrender.

The Corner of 1st and Amastad

So I’m going to share a story with you all. But first, let me tell you what compels me to do so.
So, as I’m sure you all know, I’m single again. In one of my “Ohlifesucksandnoonelovesme’ moments, a friend recommended a song for me to listen to. She said she thought it mirrored my life at this time. She had no idea how right the song is for me. Not only for this season of my life, but for past seasons as well.

But let’s start the story. On November 30th of 2007 I got lost. Severely lost in Edinburgh, Scotland. I had spent the night before in a hotel with my mom who had come to visit me for a week in Leuchars. For her last night she decided she wanted to go to Edinburgh and see the castle. We had the best time just hanging out and talking and seeing the castle(it was my second time to see it). She left early the next morning leaving me alone in a fantastic hotel! With no continental breakfast. Being that my train back to Leuchars was at 2, I figured I could make it until then.

Since I had time to kill I decided to head over to Princes Row. A street know for it’s shopping and people watching opportunities. Long story short, I must have forgotten how to read a map that day. I spent 2 hours lost in a HUGE city. I finally was able to make my way back to my hotel. From there, I was almost sure I could find the train station in time to catch my train.
So I head off, with the same map that I obviously couldn’t read, in the direction I thought the train station was. After walking so long and being frustrated at the fact that I was lost and still had no idea if I was headed the right direction, I was starving. Not only that, I was pissed off, sad, and very much alone.

I finally figured out that I was on the right track to the train station(haha, track, get it?). But even though it was November, I was hot. Lugging around my backpack made everything worse.
It was on this walk to the train station that I really began to question God. Did he really want to me move in the first place or was I being selfish? Was He even there? Had I wasted my time and effort trying to please a being that didn’t exist? So I’m having this internal conversation with myself as I reach one of about 8,000 intersections I had to pass to get to my destination. On the corner of this particular intersection was a Starbucks.

Now a little on my love affair with Starbucks. Starbucks was one of the few things that I was familiar with. Starbucks was as American to me as American cheese, since I don’t much care for apple pie or baseball.

As I’m passing this Starbucks the only thing I can think is “I really wish I had some money for a frappichino right about now”. The next thing I know, there are two bubbly, happy, laughing women talking a mile a minute to me saying something about wanting me to take a picture of them. Being that I was in such an AWESOME mood, I said I would snap their photo. Then one of the bubble chicks says “No! We want to take a picture with you!’ So as I’m standing there, trying to process what in the world this woman is talking about, her friend jumps behind me, smiles, and the other chick takes the picture! I kid you not, somewhere out in the world there is a picture of me with some strange British woman making a “WTF?” face. I bet it’s fantastic.
The chick who snapped my “WTF” photo goes on to explain that her company is doing a promotion and they have all of these gift cards to give away. The only catch was they needed proof that they gave them to people and didn’t just keep them. That’s where the photo comes in, it was the proof. After she explains this to me, her friend shoves two 10 pound(Pounds is the currency in Scotland) gift cards in my hand and they run off, never to be seen again.
But here is the kicker, you ready? The gift cards were to Starbucks. I’m not even lying. Starbucks! My home away from home! Lost, insecure, alone, and losing faith, God gave me Starbucks! Talk about a renewing of faith! I swear, as I walked out of that store with a nice, bug, cold frapcchino in my hand, God told me that He was always with me, even though I was far away, and that He was always faithful, even in the smallest ways He loved me.

Here is the link if you want to hear the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obhdTlImFBo

Why?

Yup, I'm starting a blog. Why? Because I love to write. When I was younger writing was the only thing I had. I poured my emotions, feelings, hurts, loves, and everything in between into my journals. Then the worst thing that ever could have happened, someone read them. I have never felt so violated and hurt in my life and this is a pain I have take with me over the years.

I have come to realize that I am a lot more affected by my past then I ever wanted to admit. God has used things that have been happening to me to show me that I still have some things I need to work out. It's not really fair, I think, that He is doing this to me, revealing things that I thought were lost under the bridge, but that's what He does. Because He cares and wants me to be better.

So I guess that's why. Because I miss writing and because God is working in my life and I need someplace to gather my thoughts.